spankmehardbarry:

pizza:

did u guys see me at the oscars

image

lordcheshire:

My mom just texted me this with the caption “stealing your men”

astound:

Me: * whines about the many things I have to do that’ll take hours 

Me: * eats in bed all day as I whine

javaddward:

anonymously tell me your credit card number ill reply with what i bought

elahthompson:

the goat is not a student…..he’s a teacher.

jakemalik:

seeing a hot stranger in public is a blessing

seeing the same hot stranger in public again is a sign

unfollowryanross:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence

resstless:

IF YOU EVER FEEL SAD JUST LOOK AT THIS FAKE SLAP 

image

i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)

mcvirgin:

if exercising didn’t consist of me moving, then maybe i will do it more often

h0llo:

ive stolen this line and used it so many times
puckish-thoughts:

THERE IT IS AGAIN!  THERE IT FUCKING IS!  i’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS PHOTO FOR YEARS AND NEVER COULD FIND IT!!  THE LAN PARTY WITH THE GUY DUCT-TAPED TO THE CEILING!!  BACK IN ANCIENT TIMES WHEN PEOPLE STILL USED CATHODE MONITORS AND WHEN COUNTERSTRIKE WAS THE NEW THING.  THIS SHIT IS REAL.  THIS IS REAL SHIT.  SHIT THAT HAPPENED.